Once people pleasers recognize the ways they shoot themselves in the foot, they can determine to opt out of the excessively compliant role. First they need to be mentally prepared to face the challenge. Look over the following statements and determine how many of them you would be willing to embrace:

Imbalanced People Pleasing

  1. Encourages others to take advantage of you in disrespect.
  2. Plays into the self- serving schemes of others.
  3. Allows false guilt or fear to be a primary motivator for behavior.
  4. Your direction is based on the actions of others.
  5. Emotions are suppressed.
  6. Leads to feelings of burnout.
  7. Tries to take responsibility for others’ happiness.
  8. Lives with a “walking on eggshells” feeling toward others.
  9. Becomes and appeaser when others are angry.
  10. Won’t stand up for convictions in the presence of overpowering people.

Calm Assertiveness

  1. Indicates that you see yourself as a person of dignity.
  2. Tries to get others to see the value of teamwork.
  3. Allows fair-mindedness to be a motivator for behavior.
  4. Your direction is based on well-conceived initiatives.
  5. Emotions are openly expressed.
  6. Leads to feelings of fulfillment.
  7. Realizes that others are ultimately responsible for their own happiness.
  8. Lives with openness and self-acceptance.
  9. Can objectively weigh the facts when others are angry.
  10. Realizes that standing up for convictions is a responsibility.


Dr. Les Carter